


the observed observer

by himemiya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, F/M, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1562708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himemiya/pseuds/himemiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You stare too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the observed observer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [khepria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/khepria/gifts).



> For one of the most excellent writers in the SnK fandom. I'm not really satisfied with the ending, but I hope you enjoy it!

**i.**

“W-who taught you those moves?”

She looks up at him. “My father.” She begins to walk away, but he steps in front of her: even at this age, he towers over her.

“Will you teach me?” He already knows she learned from her father- he saw her punch Berik in the face the other day. He and Reiner had been exploring the woods when they came across an empty field. Mr. Leonhardt was watching the two of them, mouth stretched upwards when one of Berik’s kicks connected, and even larger when Berik had hit the ground, steam rising from his broken nose as he set it. Annie had walked away, head bowed over. Berik had stood up, run in front of her, and congratulated her on being “almost as good” as Mr. Leonhardt. She had smiled then, and reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ears before rushing at Berik. He’d dodged, all traces of a smile gone.

“No.” She pushed him out of the way. He stumbled and watched her go.

Why? She had seemed so happy yesterday.

**ii.**

He just wants to see her Titan form: they’d found out yesterday the four of them would be headed to the walls, and delighted, Reiner had spent the rest of the afternoon shifting. Boy to Titan, boy inside Titan—after every turn, Berik would climb onto Reiner’s back and cut him out, eyes alight with joy. Bertholdt had been instructed not to shift until they were before the walls, so he sat on his hands and imagined what it would be like when they got there. Maybe Annie would look at him when he was 50 meters tall—he wouldn’t be able to see her face, but that would be okay.

So he’s come to visit her. Mr. Leonhardt was out, she said, on an errand, and she started to close the door in his face. He stuck his foot in: it stung a little, but that was okay.

“Can I see?”

“What?” Her eyes are disbelieving.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” It’s breaking the rules, technically, but it’s okay, he’ll tell them and they won’t even punish him, probably: they’d said he was the only one who could carry out that part of the mission, the only one tall enough to look over the walls.

“What are you even _talking_ about?” There are dark circles under her eyes, and she hangs onto the door frame for support. “Why are you here?”

“I just, I only—” He stutters, but it’s all wrong, and if Reiner or Berik were here, they would find a way to fix this, find a way to make her stop looking at him like he’s going to hit her, make her unclench her fists, make her answer.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says finally, drawing herself up. She shuts the door before he can even explain why he’d come; he just wanted to see her inside herself.

**iii.**

“S-so,” Bertholdt begins, “You’re going to have to call the Titans soon, right after Reiner and I transform-.”

“I know,” Annie snaps, twisting the ring around her finger, and even though she’s talking to him, her eyes are fixed over his shoulder, on the gate of Shinganshina. “Now, are you and Reiner going to break the wall or do I have to do it?” She smiles a little: “Because, you know-”

It’s on the tip of his tongue to say "sure", to watch her try to topple the walls using moves he watched her learn from her father, him next to her in human form, for once impossibly small. But this is his job, so he cuts her off by reaching for the hand moving towards her ring. She jerks away from his fingers, which freeze close enough to feel the heat coming off her skin. He unsticks his tongue from the roof of his mouth and says, “I’ll do it.” Bertholdt closes his eyes and swallows, tries to imagine Reiner and Berik’s pleased faces, but their smiles keep shifting into the Titan’s sharp-toothed grin, so he steels himself and bites down.

When he opens his eyes, the first place he looks is down. If he strains he can just make out Annie, a splash of yellow which moves to the side, away from him. When he gives Reiner a tentative thumbs up, Reiner nods (already transformed) and points to Annie. Instead of trying to watch her transformation, Bertholdt imagines it. He knows she uses the blade hidden in her ring, and pictures the warm air around her transforming into a hiss of steam right before she transforms. He wishes he could see her better, could finally see what her Titan form looks like, but seeing well isn’t his job. When he looks at her again she’s there, larger than before but still impossibly tiny, still only a blonde-haired blur. Reiner raises both arms, cheering him on, but Annie turns away.

Bertholdt places his hands on the wall. When Reiner gives him the signal, he’ll begin.

**iv.**

In the refugee camp, they keep to the sides. While Reiner goes off to get food that neither of them will eat, he sits next to Annie, huddled under a blanket. Their sides touch, but she looks down at her ring, twisting it so the blade pops in and out.

Yesterday, Annie had gotten in a fight with a boy who had tried to steal her bread. She’d kicked his legs out from under him, and kicked him one more time so he couldn’t get up. She'd dropped the loaf of bread on the ground as she walked away, and one of the orphans had snatched it and swallowed it in one bite. He tried to ask her why, but she’d walked up to Reiner and asked him when they would move further in. She'd avoided him after that, declaring as soon as they returned to their tent that she wanted to go to bed.

He hasn’t seen her sleep at all since she showed up at the meeting point, walking up to the two of them covered in Berik’s blood. She offered to keep watch that night. Even on the nights where Reiner makes her go to bed, saying, “You need to get some rest or you won’t get any taller,” he know that she stays up, staring out into the camp. Once the sun comes up, he watches her tilt her head up and drink in the light, face turned half towards him. The circles under her eyes look like bruises, but unlike her bruises, they don’t heal.

**v.**

“Don’t you imagine you and I are anything alike.”

**vi.**

Annie fights Eren, and Bertholdt watches. She throws him through the air like he’s the sack of potatoes she and Bertholdt were peeling earlier: she finished her half as quickly as possible, and when he took the knife back, she slid her fingers out of the way right before they made contact. The blade, when it fell into his palm, left a tiny gash: it’s already healed.

Eren is shouting loudly, telling her how incredible her moves are, how amazing her technique is (just like Berik did). His eyes are shining when they meet hers, and he gestures excitedly in her direction, doing an imitation of the kick that floored him only a couple of minutes earlier. Bertholdt shuffles his feet and starts walking up to the two of them, one tiny step at a time. A knotted feeling enters his stomach and he stops: he hasn’t even gone three feet. Annie has turned away from him, her back tensed up as she prepares to rush at Eren again. Right before her fist connects with his face, Eren meets his eyes. He waves and gestures that Bertholdt should come over and spar with them. Bertholdt turns around as he hears a thump. Reiner will be wondering where he’s gone.

**vii.**

She’s walking away to join the police, just according to the plan, and he can’t move, can’t abandon Reiner. They’d agreed after Trost that this was the best strategy, but all along she hasn’t been following the rules—she went separately to the gathering point, she taught Eren (a Titan shifter, like him, like _her_ ) her father’s moves, and now she’s going where he can’t watch her anymore, can’t make sure she’s keeping to the plan, can’t make sure she’s still on their side.

He aches to ask her, but if he did, he thinks she would scoff and say “I’m hurt you’d even have to ask.” Or maybe she’d—but he could beat her. She’s too small, next to his Titan form. He looks down at his hands and imagines biting down, right now. He could shift and kill her, and then everything would be fine, they could take Eren and go home, Reiner would get better.

He looks up again, twists his neck until it aches, and watches her back.

**viii.**

Her Titan form looks just like her. Even the circles under her eyes are perfectly preserved. He can only watch out of the corners of his eyes, but it’s her figure, her eyes, her hair—everything is exactly the same, but supersized. Colossal. One hand covers the back of her neck, just like she and Berik had been taught—you aren't protected like Bertholdt and Reiner, you need to protect yourselves.

He could protect her. As the Colossal Titan, he could kill all of them, and she could bring her hands up in her fighting stance, ready to attack, but there would be no one left on the plane but him and Reiner, and she knows he’s too large to fight. They’d have to fulfill the mission, exactly according to plan.

Or if she doesn't want to give away his secret just yet, he could stand on her shoulder, blades drawn, protecting her neck—maybe then, so close, she’d be forced to meet his eyes.


End file.
